Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
