your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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