So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
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She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
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Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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