The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
