When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
