just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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