actually, I'm a sock model
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What a dumb baby whore.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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