Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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