I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
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I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize