So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
