Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
