i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
