if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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