I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
