if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
