I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
