Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
