The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
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Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
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Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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