I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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