May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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