your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
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There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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