is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
