his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
