just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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