I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
