My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
