I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
