I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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