yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it hurts more in the daytime
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
