I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
