Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
