I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
