The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
