ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
