Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME