if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
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was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
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I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume