His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?