Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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