Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
