I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
