he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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