My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
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I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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