We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
