I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
