a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
