who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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