I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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