Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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