overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
