Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
