so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
