you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
