I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
