I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
are you so shy because you have an std?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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