This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
