you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
