so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
