she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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