Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
