I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
