My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
