I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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