that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
His hands were made for my vagina.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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