Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
